Yesterday

Yesterday I saw a girl who looks like me. Not physical. But a mirror image of how I look at myself everyday in the mirror 2 years ago.
That empty look, that desperate look, that helpless look.

I read her case note, I know her story, I know how she feels.
How it's like adjusting to a new life again. How it's like getting slammed in the face. How it's like not knowing what to do next. How it's like trying to explain to someone how badly you want something and getting rejected in the face. How it's like becoming desperate.

The slight moment that I wanted to reach out to her, to tell her that she has to let go, she has to know this is one thing that might not be happening soon (or at all), to let her know it's time to make a new plan, the old plan is gone.

I looked back and wondered how much have I grown since.
Did I learn to be more cautious of my replies in an argument?
Did I learn to be slow to anger?
Did I learn to be more in control of my emotions and actions?
Did I learn that being suicidal wasn't the answer?
Did I learn to be more sane?

Maybe not for some.

I can't helped but wonder, what if I had went back, would things be different now? Or would I have made the same mistake and repeat everything all over again.

Who knows.

for now, I wished I had given her my number, to tell her that if she needs a listening ear, I can offer.



But I realized I can't.








It's a breach of confidentiality.